Trying
by WindowChild
Summary: Missing moments between Remus and Albus, as everything changes over time.


"I understand Mrs. Lupin," Albus said kindly, giving her a bow and a nod of his head. "It's just, it would help if I could meet the boy." She was a grim woman, pale and unsmiling.

"He's very fragile, Professor," she replied. For a muggle woman, brought into the Wizarding World by her husband, she appeared to be fairing quite well as the mother of a werewolf. "He doesn't have many friends, and strangers sometimes make him nervous. I'm not certain it's a good idea."

"My dear woman," Albus continued, trying to remain gentle. "If he can't handle meeting the headmaster of Hogwarts, how do you think he'll survive school? Please, I only want to say hello." His mind was fairly made up about accepting the young boy, but he wanted to see Remus for himself.

"Alright," she sighed. "Only for a moment." Albus followed her down the hallway, his bright smile and twinkling eyes looking out of place amongst the rooms' gloom. They rounded the corner at the end, coming face to face with a shut door.

"His room," she announced, unnecessarily. "Remus?" She knocked softly, opening the door before he could reply.

On the well-made bed sat a boy, of about eleven or so. He was pasty and frail looking, his skinny body trembling in the slight chill of the room. He was reading a book.

"Remus," his mother continued, her solemn outlook melting at the sight of her son. "Professor Dumbledore's here to see you." She hovered uncertainly by the bed, as Remus looked up from his book. He smiled, a neat, controlled smile.

"Hello," he said, standing up. "It's nice to meet you, sir."

"It's nice to meet you too," Albus replied. He paused a moment, and then began his customary, comfortable chitchat. "What are you reading?"

"Oh, it's just a history book," Remus replied, blushing.

Dumbledore glanced over to the bed, curious. "That's the one for school," he remarked, his pitch lightening with surprise. "The second years'."

Remus nodded, looking anxious. 'Well, you see, I've already read the other…"

Albus smiled. It seemed unfortunate, and terribly unfair, that such a studious boy be vexed by the curse of a werewolf. "Well, it's been lovely meeting you, Remus. I'm delighted that you'll be joining us in the fall."

The boy's smile broadened, his pink cheeks positively rosy now. "Do you mean it? I can come?" His nervousness was lost, forgotten in his newfound hope and excitement.

Albus nodded. "I think so. I'll have to make arrangements, of course, for your condition, but it's not unheard of. Hogwarts will be lucky to have you."

Remus's eyes were shining. "Thank you sir! I promise I'll do my best."

"I'm sure you will," Albus said. Once again, he paused, debating whether or not to make another comment. "Now if you'll excuse me, I actually need to be getting back." He gave another little bow, to both of them, and showed himself out. He knew he'd just made the Lupin family very happy.

* * *

It was just about three months into the school year, and Albus had been keeping a close watch on the night sky. The arrangements they'd made seemed safe, if not undiscoverable. Even so, he thought it might be wise to check on Remus. He hadn't yet, and it seemed like something he ought to do. After all, the boy's first few transformations away from home couldn't have been easy.

He headed down the spiral staircase with a box of chocolate frogs, as he thought Remus might like them. Madam Pomfrey had said he liked chocolate very much. It had been a while since he'd visited the hospital wing. Few students caught his eye long enough to merit his presence there, and there hadn't been many serious injuries anyway.

"Is he awake?" Dumbledore asked, speaking to Madam Pomfrey.

"As of a moment ago," she replied, her arms folded. "I don't like the idea of you disturbing him, Albus. He had a terrible night, I can tell. A big gash under his eye, and on his leg too."

She reminded Albus so uncannily of Mrs. Lupin, that he merely smiled back. "Well, I can see Mr. Lupin's in good hands, here. It's alright, though. I'll only be a moment."

She gave a nod of consent, evidently still wary about the idea. She took great care of her students, and she and Remus had bonded a bit over his first few visits.

"Incidentally," Albus said, "I wanted to thank you."

"Thank me for what?" she asked, returning to her cart. She was measuring potions while talking to him, pouring assorted droppers into beakers.

"For keeping Remus safe," Albus continued. "It's a difficult job, and you've kept the secret well."

She looked up, eyes wide. "Oh Albus, of course. He's a very sweet boy."

Dumbledore nodded, still smiling. "May I see him, now?"

She took his arm, pulling over to a curtain-covered bed. "Five minutes, okay Albus? He's exhausted."

"I'll be sure not to tire him."

"And," Madame Pomfrey said, turning back around, "See if you can keep his noisy friends out of here. They aren't doing him much good either!"

Albus chuckled, shaking his head. He'd heard about the Gryffindor gang, as well. Good friends already, if a bit mischievous. And they were an interesting group, from what he'd heard. Nonetheless, it was good to know that Remus had found friends. He was such a shy boy, on top of everything else.

"Hello," Albus said softly, pulling away the curtain. "How are you, Remus?"

He lay in bed, his sandy hair pressed against the pillows. He looked barely short of miserable, with the cut on his eye doing nothing to help his appearance.

"I'm alright, Sir," Remus said, appearing thoroughly disgruntled by the headmaster's presence. "Thank you." He tried to sit up, and promptly fell back against the bed.

"Do you need anything?" Albus continued.

"Oh, no, I'm alright," Remus replied. "Madame Pomfrey has me on a couple of potions." He looked annoyed for only a moment, before turning a bright scarlet. "Not that I don't appreciate it. They help a lot, mostly." He stared at the sheets, embarrassed.

Dumbledore's eyes continued to twinkle though, and Remus suspected he wasn't angry. "Personally, I've always hated healing potions. They taste dreadful, don't they?" He remembered his gift then, and handed the box of chocolate frogs over. "Hopefully these will help to get rid of some of the taste."

Remus glanced up, beaming. "Chocolate frogs? Thank you, Professor!"

"You're welcome. You know, Remus, I…" He noticed the boy stifle a yawn behind his hand, and stopped himself. This was not the time for important conversations. "Get some rest, alright? I'm sure your friends are looking forward to seeing you."

His face fell. "Oh. What – what did you tell them?"

"You've taken ill with flu, and they can see you in a few days."

"Thank you, Sir."

"Anytime," Albus replied, cheerfully. "I'll see you soon." And he was gone, before Remus could express his gratitude the way he wanted to.

* * *

It was fifth year; just enough time had passed for Albus to think they were successful. After all, Remus was a top student, wasn't he? He was a prefect, and well liked by his classmates. He'd even gone on several dates. His school life had been near perfection, and so far, no one knew of his condition. Well, Albus was fairly certain that his friends knew, but that was it.

And then, Sirius Black's desire for vindication got the better of him. For once, the twinkle had left the headmaster's eyes.

''Boys, I hope you do realize the seriousness of what's happened." He was looking at Sirius, but he knew Remus took the words twice as hard. "You're quite lucky that Severus is alright, and that Mr. Potter came to his senses in time. He prevented this from becoming something much, much worse." Remus gave a nearly inaudible whimper at this, and Sirius a low growl.

"Remus," Albus said, softly. "I've talked to Severus. He's agreed, as long as you and your friends promise to treat him civilly, to remain quiet about what he's learned. So you will be able to stay at school." He heard the sigh escape Remus's lips, even from the other side of the room.

"But you will both spend the rest of the year in detention, and the Peter and James will spend the next three months. Please pass that information onto them." The headmaster sighed himself, deeply distressed. Even though punishing them was the right thing to do, it didn't seem fair. Remus hadn't been aware of what he was doing, and Sirius… he had his own troubles, really. But what else was there to do? What happened to Severus wasn't fair either, and he had endured it. No, of course, it was only right that they see the consequences for their actions.

"You may go now," Albus said. He was tired, and he knew he sounded it. The boys left in silence, Sirius storming off before Remus could get out of his chair. It was obvious they weren't on speaking terms.

The days passed, and Albus watched as things evolved and got better. Severus went on his way, even more wary of the notorious Marauders than he had been before. They treated him a bit more kindly now, though. Perhaps that was something they had learned from the prank. And eventually, it was clear that the friends made up. They sat together again, and were sometimes seen joking in the hallways. They had moved on. Even so, Albus knew that this wasn't over. For Remus, at least. It had traumatized him, in a way, and Albus knew he wasn't just going to get over it. A part of him wanted to talk to the young man, and make him see that it wasn't his fault, but he never did. It was a regret that Albus lived with for some time.

* * *

"They think you're a spy," Albus said softly. It had been years since he'd seen Remus on his own. Usually the two met at Order meetings, and even those had become… tense.

"Sirius's idea," Remus replied. He sounded sad, rather than bitter.

"May I come in?" Albus asked. His token optimism made an appearance, a smile on his face despite the circumstance.

"I've made coffee," Remus sighed. "Would you like some?"

"That's alright," Albus replied. Remus only nodded, taking a cup for himself. The two men sat in silence for a while, Albus perusing a stray article from the Prophet. At last, he said, "You know Remus, I don't think you're a spy."

The other man looked up, startled. Albus was forward, yes, but he usually alluded rather than stating directly. "You don't?"

"No," Albus said, shaking his head. "I would hate to think that any of our friends is spying on us, but I especially do not believe that it's you."

"You don't?" Remus repeated.

"No Remus," Albus said, smiling. His glasses slid further down his nose, making him look like someone's senile grandfather. "You would never be a spy. Not for Voldemort."

"Thank you," Remus replied. "Sir," he added, after a beat. They were both adults, but he'd never been quite clear on how to address the elder wizard. Dumbledore's eyes merely twinkled.

* * *

"Remus," Albus said. His eyes were most certainly not twinkling now. In fact, much to Remus's embarrassment, he thought he detected some stray moistness there. "I – I assume you've heard."

"From the Prophet," Remus hissed, in reply. He had learned of his friends' murders, and his other friend's arrest, in the _paper_.

"I'm sorry for that," Albus whispered. "I tried to get here before it was delivered." He paused, trying to compose himself. "May I come in?"

Remus nodded, to exhausted to say otherwise. He'd just woken up, expecting an ordinary day, and had instead found the worst of his life. It was an unpleasant sensation. "So, what's happening? Out there?" He cleared this throat. "They say he's gone."

"Voldemort? Yes, yes… he's quite gone."

"And Harry?" The baby had been on Remus's ever since he'd read the paper. He cared for the boy, very much. A small part of him had always felt hurt when Sirius became godfather. After all, look what had happened?

"He's with his aunt and uncle," Albus said. "His mother's side," he added, when Remus looked baffled. "We left him there last night."

"Lily's sister?" Remus asked. He frowned. "I've heard stories about her. You can't leave him there, Albus."

"He has no other relatives," Dumbledore said. "Where else should he go?"

"He can stay with me," Remus replied, his voice trembling. He was clinging to this, Albus knew. It was the last connection to his friends that he had.

"No, Remus. You know he can't." He watched sadly as Remus's shoulders began to shake. He'd effectively lost his entire life in one night, and Harry was the last piece of that. Albus gave him a quick pat on the back, and then stood to leave. There was much to be done.

* * *

"So after all these years, you finally want me to see him?" Remus asked, practically spitting. He had not seen Albus in years. Not when he was starving, not when he was homeless. He had not seen him on the anniversary of Lily and James' death, when a few old order members had held a memorial. They'd had no contact, for thirteen years.

"Sirius has escaped," Albus said. He stared Remus straight in the face, clearly trying to gage a reaction. "Well, no one's ever done it before. Are you not curious?"

"Curious?" Remus asked, astounded. "Albus, I – I wish the Dementors would take his soul."

"Oh believe me, they're trying. They're guarding the school, actually." He paused. "So, will you think about it?"

"About taking this position?"

"Yes. I would really appreciate it, Remus. Your intelligence is wasted at your job."

Remus folded his arms, offended. The job at the bookstore was the best he had gotten, actually, and he was proud of it. No one wanted to hire a werewolf.

"I'll consider it," he said, at last. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm late." This was a lie, of course, but being in the headmaster's office brought back too many memories. He left then, fully prepared to decline the job in a couple of days. Why would he want to return to Hogwarts?

It was the paper, four days later, that changed his mind. Sirius Black, evidently, had escaped Azkaban in order to kill Harry Potter. Why did he receive all important information through The Daily Prophet, Remus wondered.

After bitterly asking himself this question, the man deflated for a moment. It hurt to read those words. Sirius had always been so loving towards Harry. He had sworn to James and Lily that he would protect their son, above all else. He had failed, obviously, doing everything to the contrary.

It was then that Remus steeled himself. If Sirius wouldn't fulfill his role as godfather, then he would do his best to be a supplement. He would protect Harry. He grabbed a piece of parchment, scribbling out his consent to Dumbledore. It seemed that the older Wizard knew best, after all.

* * *

"I'm sorry about your position, Remus," Albus said. His eyes were still smiling though, despite his frown, and Remus suspected that he'd always known about the short-term nature of the job. Rumor had it that no Defense Against the Dark Arts professor ever lasted more than a year.

"That's alright," Remus replied. And it was, in truth. He had been undeniably happy since that night up at the Shrieking Shack, despite all that had gone wrong. Sirius was back, and that was all that mattered.

"I'm also, ah, sorry about the unfortunate way things turned out," Albus said. He was truly smiling now, and Remus smiled back. They both knew the truth.

"That's alright," Remus said, again. He felt so grateful to the headmaster, that he wasn't sure what else to say. "Thank you for giving me the job," he said slowly. "It was wonderful to see Harry again." His chest warmed, and he felt himself grow even a little happier. Yes, even if Sirius hadn't returned, it all would have been worth it for Harry.

"Of course," Albus replied. He abruptly stood, as if remembering something he had to do. "Well, it was wonderful to see _you _again, Remus. I do hope we'll keep in touch this time?"

"Yes," Remus replied, at once. "We will." His anger at Dumbledore had long since passed. The man had just given him back a third of what he'd lost before, there was no way he could remain angry at him.

"Good," Albus said. "Goodbye, Remus."

"Goodbye," Remus replied, surprised when Dumbledore left the room. They'd never shared more than a handful of direct words, had they?

* * *

"Remus, I need you to do something for me," Dumbledore said.

"What?" Remus asked. He was sitting on a bed in Grimmauld Place, where he had been ever since Sirius… And Dumbledore hadn't even come by, yet.

"I need you to be a spy for us, with the werewolves."

Remus nearly choked, despite the fact that he wasn't drinking anything. "You want me to be a spy?" he asked, enunciating each word with as much malice as he could muster. It was hard, though. He still felt numb.

"I know things have started between you and Nymphadora, but –"

"Nothing's going on between us," Remus interrupted, shortly. "We're not together."

"Oh," Albus said. "That's a shame," he added, after a moment. "I'll owl you with the details later. Tomorrow, perhaps." He stood up, hesitating visibly. "And, I am sorry Remus. About everything." He looked up, meeting Remus's eyes by a fraction.

The werewolf recoiled almost instantly, unable to bear it. A self-righteous piece of him blamed Dumbledore for this. After all, he had kept Sirius locked up in this box. And why was he acting as if he didn't care? An apology to Remus wasn't the same as an apology for Sirius's death.

"And Remus?" Dumbledore asked. He was at the door, already. "Thank you for everything."

Remus only gave a nod, eyes still focused on the floor. He didn't know what Dumbledore meant, but he didn't have the energy to fight it.

Hearing the door shut, he shut his eyes. Suddenly he felt too exhausted and miserable to stay awake. For the first time, he wished Tonks would come back. He needed her.

* * *

"He's very concerned about it!" Remus was on the verge of shouting – the closest he'd ever come to shouting in front of Albus.

"I know he is," Dumbledore replied. "I've spoken to him many times about the issue." They were discussing Harry, and his recent (or not-so-recent, perhaps) suspicions of Snape. Remus was on Dumbledore's side, but he felt that the Wizard was being too flippant about the matter. Harry was known to act rashly.

"I –"

"I'm sorry to interrupt you," Albus replied. "But I have to leave in a moment, and I wanted to say something else to you." He straightened his glasses, smiling. There were many things he'd wanted to say to Remus, for a long time, that he'd refrained from. However, this was one thing that he thought Remus needed to hear. "Nymphadora," he said plainly. "Give her a bit of a chance, would you? She cares about you very much, Remus. And," he continued, boldly taking a chance with the next bit, "As you know, people don't come back from the dead."

Remus opened his mouth, prepared to shout back for _real_, when Kingsley walked in. Dumbledore turned, so that he was facing both of them.

"Harry is the best hope we have, trust him." With that, he gave a bow of his head and left.

"What was that about?" Kingsley asked.

"I've forgotten," Remus replied. His mind was still stuck on _'As you know, people don't come back from the dead.'

* * *

_

It was about a month later, and he sat in the hospital wing. An uncomfortable chair, although he hardly felt it.

Bill was going to be a werewolf, now. Or a part of one. They weren't sure, yet. A moment ago, that had seemed like the most important bit of news. And now…

He didn't even care that he was near to tears. In front of Harry, in front of everyone. That didn't matter now. A part of him wondered if he'd taken it all for granted. Dumbledore, that is. He had always idolized and cared about the man, but he'd never _listened_ as closely as he should have. And a selfish, self-hating part of him wondered just how much wisdom he'd missed.

What had Dumbledore's last words been? "Harry is the best hope we have, trust him." He would do that, then. Staring up at the young man in front of him, he silently gave over his respect. If that's what Dumbledore wanted, then that's what he'd do. His eyes turned over to Tonks. Dumbledore had wanted them together, hadn't he? Well then, he would try.

For Harry, for Dumbledore… he would try for all of them. And maybe, regardless of the past, they would win this time.


End file.
